The Idiot’s Lantern

You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. You hit me with a cricket bat. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!

The Unicorn and the Wasp

I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me!

  • Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!
  • It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.

Forest of the Dead

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Midnight

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You hit me with a cricket bat. You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?

  1. They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!
  2. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?
  3. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?
  4. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
The Impossible Astronaut

Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!

Journey’s End

I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!

Obama security agent ‘found drunk’

There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Army had half a day. That’s why you always leave a note!

Exit Strategy

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Say goodbye to these, because it’s the last time!

  • Marry me.
  • Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right.
  • I care deeply for nature.

Amigos

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. I care deeply for nature.

Pier Pressure

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Across from where? Well, what do you expect, mother? No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide.

  1. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’
  2. Well, what do you expect, mother?
  3. Marry me.
  4. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life.
  5. Steve Holt!
Ready, Aim, Marry Me

What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. No… but I’d like to be asked! Really? Did nothing cancel? But I bought a yearbook ad from you, doesn’t that mean anything anymore?

Afternoon delight

We just call it a sausage. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. No… but I’d like to be asked!

N Korea fires mid-range missiles

You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. You hit me with a cricket bat. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!

The Unicorn and the Wasp

I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me!

  • Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!
  • It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.

Forest of the Dead

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Midnight

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You hit me with a cricket bat. You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?

  1. They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!
  2. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?
  3. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?
  4. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
The Impossible Astronaut

Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!

Journey’s End

I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!